Sunday, March 1, 2026

The Sunshine Shoals Gazette

"All the News That's Fit to Regret" — Est. 1987 — Sunshine Shoals, Florida
Sunshine Shoals, Florida Vol. XXXIX · No. 60 Price: Free (Stolen copies extra)
BREAKING:
Sunshine Shoals Man Arrested For Teaching Gators To Open Car Doors Local Strip Mall Now 40% Bail Bonds Shops, Mayor Calls It Economic Growth Hurricane Season Prep: Residents Line Up For Last Case Of Beer At Publix Stolen Airboat Found In Wendy's Drive-Through, Engine Still Running City Budget Shortfall Blamed On Missing Funds, Missing Accountant, And Missing Accountant's Boat Python Removal Hotline Accidentally Connected To Pizza Delivery For Three Weeks, Nobody Noticed Retired Con Artist Wins Citizen Of The Year Award, Acceptance Speech Under Investigation New Condo Development Promises Ocean Views, Built Six Miles Inland Local Man's Insurance Claim For Gator Damage Denied After Gator Provides Alibi Tourist Trap Gift Shop Achieves New Record: Zero Accurate Florida Facts Per Square Foot

Florida Man elmaestro's Midnight Pickup Interrupted By Coast Guard Training Exercise

In a midnight misadventure that could only happen in the Everglades, local ne'er-do-well elmaestro's "Midnight Pickup" at the Gator Nest went sideways faster than a drunk airboat driver, with his accomplice bailing and leaving him to salvage a paltry $636 while the Polar Pensioner Parade somehow amplified the chaos of the botched operation. As if the humiliation of the failed smuggling run wasn't enough, our hapless protagonist found himself in the not-so-tender embrace of local law enforcement, proving once again that in Sunshine Shoals, even the most carefully planned criminal enterprises have about as much chance of success as a snowball in a swamp.

elmaestro 28m ago