Sunday, March 1, 2026

The Sunshine Shoals Gazette

"All the News That's Fit to Regret"

Florida Man Uses Stolen Airboat to Deliver Illicit Mango Smoothies to Strip Mall

Local authorities arrested Gary "Blender" Higgins after he was caught operating an underground smoothie distribution network using a hijacked airboat. Witnesses reported Higgins wearing a Captain Morgan costume while distributing frozen beverages laced with suspiciously potent "local herbs" to unsuspecting retirees at the Sunshine Shores Shopping Center.